Customer service specialist Cliff Hicks spent five years as a film critic and still considers House of the Dead to be one of the worst things ever. Do not send scripts for Battlefield Earth II to [email protected], either!

　　It's time to cut the cord. So, yes, I've gone so far this time (I've tried to quit before, but my characters were stored on the server, waiting...and watching) as to sell all my equipment, give away all my gold, destroy my mount, delete the characters, then cancel my account. One can only hope that this time I'll have the strength to stay away for good--or at least until Diablo III comes out.

　　It can take a lot of inner strength to resist temptation. Take, for instance, my own unquenchable thirst to support movies based on video games. You see, I've been trying to champion the idea that games can be not only great movies, but also notable art. It's not easy when filmmakers like Uwe Boll and noted game designers like Hideo Kojima argue for the contrary.

　　You know what they call fog in Paris?

　　Uwe Boll, for the six of you who don't know, is the, uh, "special" director who brought us such "films" (and I'm being generous with that word) as BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark, and House of the Dead. His films aren't just bad, they're downright appalling. Now, I actually wanted to go see BloodRayne just to see how bad it could really be, since the ads are plastered everywhere on my way into work. But I can't. Within one week of its release, I would have had to drive more than 60 miles just to find a theater that played it. No matter how much you enjoy a crappy movie, that's a long way to drive to get kicked in the wallet.

　　If you've seen House of the Dead or Alone in the Dark, you know how absolutely terrible things can get when movies based on games go horribly wrong. And Uwe isn't done yet! He's got a two-part movie coming out soon that's loosely based on Dungeon Siege (and by loosely, I mean not at all). Also, in order to lower costs on BloodRayne, Boll allegedly hired prostitutes instead of actresses for one scene. Hey, if nothing else, the news stories about Boll make for an entertaining read. I'll give him that. They're certainly more entertaining, at least, than his movies.

　　This isn't to mention some of the other horrible game-to-movie translations we've seen in years past, such as that Super Mario Brothers movie. John Leguizamo still cracks jokes about it in his act, and he costarred in the thing. And the Street Fighter movie--well, that one pains me just to think about it.

　　Joel Schumacher, this reserves you a place in hell--a special place in hell.

　　Thankfully, not all movies based on games are terrible. The Resident Evil movies were by no stretch of the imagination good, but they weren't train wrecks like some of the other movies I've mentioned. Doom kind of looked similar to the game, even if it wasn't a good flick. But who ends a movie based on a first-person shooter with a fistfight, anyway? Arguably, the movie version wasn't any worse than the most recent entry into the game series. And the Tomb Raider flicks were fun--in a brainless sort of way. But we haven't had a great film based on a video game. Not yet. But there is hope.

　　People have been talking about the upcoming Silent Hill movie for a while. It has a good director, Christophe Gans--the man who brought us The Brotherhood of the Wolf. It has a good screenwriter, Roger Avary, who cowrote a film you may have heard of--Pulp Fiction--among others. But most importantly, the trailer suggests that the filmmakers are genuine fans of the game.

　　After viewing the trailer (go watch, I'll wait...), we know a few key things about the movie. First and foremost, the storyline is mostly the storyline of the first game. You may be thinking, "A video game movie based on the storyline of the game? Sacrilege!" The reason this works (with a few minor adjustments like changing the gender of the protagonist), though, is that the Silent Hill games have a well-written storyline and characters with whom we can empathize. Second, the filmmakers seem to be working with the original game's music composer, at least for the trailer (and I hope this will hold true for the whole movie). Akira Yamaoka's scores have always been excellent at getting under the skin. Finally, Gans knows that the look of Silent Hill is important, and he's trying to give the game even more life, not graft his own ideas onto it.

　　Which raises the question: Why does it seem like every time people make movies based on video games, they think they have to radically reinvent everything? Why do they create whole new characters, settings, and plot elements? Why can't we just have a movie that adapts the games we've played, rather than corrupts them?

　　Because, sadly, Kojima is in many instances correct. When the creator of Metal Gear Solid says something, you at least consider it before discarding it. I understand what he's trying to say. Many games aren't art. But then again, the same is true for many movies, many books, and a lot of music. Many games, like many other forms of entertainment, have no higher goal than to entertain you for a few hours. Compare, say, Batman Begins with Batman & Robin. Some people just aim higher. They want to do something more than just entertain you--they want to make you think; they want to make you feel.

　　Some games simply aren't meant to be made into movies. I don't want to see any listings for an upcoming Tetris movie anytime soon, and if someone wants to gather funding for a Pole Position movie, they won't get a penny from me. The key is to hit the franchises with a story and with characters that would adapt well to film, some examples being Metal Gear Solid, Zelda, Eternal Darkness, God of War, and Conker's Bad Fur Day (OK, maybe that last one's just me). But most importantly, a film based on a video game needs to draw inspiration from the look and feel of the game itself.

　　The key is to get the right game, the right screenwriter, the right cast, and the right director. If you miss out on any one of these elements, you'll have a bad picture. Is it any wonder that so many of them go wrong? This isn't a problem just for video game-based movies--it's a problem for movies in general. But sooner or later, the law of averages dictates that we have to get a good one.

　　It could just be a seductive trailer gilding a horrid film, but I have hope for Silent Hill. The trailer inspires me--a fan of the games--into hoping that this could be the film that turns it all around, that makes video game films something we can be proud of. And I truly hope that we can persuade filmmakers, such as our friend Uwe, to stop before they make our eyes explode in pain.

　　Next Up: Freeplay by Dave Toister