Sure Joe Thornton is a big dude in real life, but this is ridiculous. Rumbling down the ice with the puck, Joe's at least twice the size of the defender ahead of him and--what's this?--probably twenty times larger than goalie Roberto Luongo. The Vancouver goalie has shrunk to a speck in net and, with the gigantic Thornton bearing down on him, it looks to be a mismatch of epic proportions. Thornton rears back and blasts a backhand shot that look destined to find twine, only to have the shot stopped by mini-Luongo, who ends up being a bite-sized brick wall after all.

　　Such is the strangeness of 3 on 3 NHL Arcade, a downloadable arcade hockey game for Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network from the same folks who brought us last year's masterpiece, NHL 09. Their influence of NHL 09 is obvious--the game uses the same analog stick-centric controls from EA's NHL series, while everything else around it is distilled down to its most basic, and silliest, aspects. Players can't go offsides, hitting is over-the-top, scoring is plentiful, the audio sounds like a Saturday morning cartoon, and there are lots of power-ups. Some will give you a temporary burst of speed, others will give you a scoring bonus that will multiply your goal if you find the back of the net. There's also a power-up that will freeze a player on the ice, effectively giving the other team a power play of sorts. None of it is realistic but it's sometimes worth a laugh.

　　Hearkening back to the days of the skinny, medium, and fat guys from Ice Hockey on the NES, 3 on 3 NHL Arcade forgoes actual NHL teams for a handful of NHL stars that are organized in one of three categories: fast, strong, and all-around. There are forty players to choose from, including four goalies: Martin Brodeur, Rick DiPietro, Henrik Lundqvist, and the aforementioned Luongo (Personal Note of Outrage From a San Jose Sharks Fan: Where in the sweet feathery hell is Evgeni Nabakov?).

　　On the ice, 3 on 3 is always moving--there's no puck drop after a goal; instead, play continues as normal. While the periods themselves are timed, you play to a set score, so if it takes you six periods for someone to reach five goals (or whatever total you set before the match begins), then so be it. There's also multiplayer for up to four people (including online play). With a shallow single-player experience--a simple "play now" option is pretty much it--it looks like playing with your buddies will be the best way to have fun with 3 on 3.

　　In my experience, one-timers were abnormally tough to pull off--even when playing with some of the game's most skilled players like Sidney Crosby and Jarome Iginla. Also curious: The complete lack of fighting. Even though this game is quite obviously going for the family-friendly crowd, the absence of fighting is noticeable and sort of a shame. No need to make it bloodily realistic, of course, but watching two big-head players blast each other like whack-a-moles in the middle of the ice might have been amusing.

　　3 on 3 NHL Arcade is coming to XBLA and PSN on February 4 and will cost 800 points and $9.99 respectively.