In a new Boston Globe interview, former Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling, who founded Kingdoms of Amalur developer 38 Studios, recalled the struggle surrounding his now-bankrupt company. Image credit: Steven Senne, AP

　　"Outside of, like, personal family--losing my dad--it was the most devastating thing I've ever gone through," Schilling said. "And it's still something I'm trying to bounce back from.

　　"It was so hard, because I had pushed and pushed and pushed," he added. "I had 300 families [of company employees] I had to take care of, including my own, and it failed."

　　"And I've lost a lot in my life but I've never failed at anything. I was going to [win] but I couldn't get it done."

　　Schilling's wife, Shonda, said she remains concerned over the stress Curt is dealing with related to the failed game company.

　　"I don't know how somebody would not kill himself, honestly, over what he has had to endure," she said.

　　Also in the report, Schilling revealed he had a heart attack in the months leading up to 38 Studios' bankruptcy in May 2012. He would not pin the heart attack on stress related to the company's closure alone, but admitted, "I'm sure that was part of it."

　　As part of 38 Studios' bankruptcy, Schilling lost about $50 million of his own money, while 300 employees were out of their jobs, and Rhode Island taxpayers are on the hook for $100 million. At the end of the day, the company's failure rests on his shoulders, he said.

　　"But ultimately, it's on me. I was the guy. At the end of the day, it failed because I failed to raise outside capital."

　　Going by Schilling's account, Rhode Island governor Lincoln Chafee did "absolutely nothing" to keep 38 Studios afloat. "Name one thing he actually did. Ask him that," Schilling said of Rhode Island's controversial involvement and investment in 38 Studios.

　　Finally, Schilling acknowledged that though many people may not like him, he's not trying to change his image anytime soon.

　　"The people that hate me, there's nothing I can say or do to get them to like me," Schilling said. "I’ve never stolen. I've never hit my wife. I've never driven drunk. I've never taken steroids. I've never done cocaine. I've never beat my wife, beat my kids. I've never done any of the stuff that a lot of people are all about getting second chances for."

　　"That doesn't mean I’m perfect," he added. "Far from it. I've got a big mouth and I don't know when to shut up and I'll give you my opinion on anything. But I know I’m not a bad dude."

　　Rhode Island is suing Schilling and other former 38 Studios executives over the failed company. This lawsuit is ongoing.

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